Spread Sex Virally. Safe Sex, That Is…

Apparently, Boston teens need to have protected sex and the public health system is using Facebook, YouTube and MTV to tell them that.

There has been a 70 percent increase in Chlamydia cases in Boston since 1999. Understanding that adolescents would rather hear from their peers than be told by some old woman about safe sex (sorry Sue Johanson), the Boston Public Health Commission held the “Get Reel: Check Yourself” contest. The winning PSA features teenagers in a classroom learning about condoms and other safe sex practices from a teen instructor. Teens can also interact on a Facebook page and ask questions anonymously.

On a side note: I was talking to a nurse a couple of months ago about weird baby names and she said that when she worked in labor and delivery, one of the mothers wanted to name her daughter Chlamydia because it sounded pretty. They strongly encouraged her to reconsider.

The Winning PSA

Women are Born to Steal Men? New Research Suggests that Woman are Subconsciously Drawn to Other Attached Men

New research out from the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology suggests that single seek attached men. The study shows that single women were significantly more interested in the male when he was attached. The researchers suggest that it may be because an attached man has demonstrated his ability to commit and in some ways his qualities have already been pre-screened by another woman.

You can add your comments to this story on a NY Times blog page.

How the Study was Done:
To investigate, the researchers quizzed male and female undergraduates — some involved in romantic relationships, some unattached — about their ideal romantic partner.
Next, each of the experimental subjects was told that he or she had been matched by a computer with a like-minded partner, and each was shown a photo of an attractive person of the opposite sex. (All the women saw the same photo, as did all the men.) Half of the subjects were told that their match was already romantically involved with someone else, while the other half were told that their match was unattached. Then the subjects were all asked how interested they were in their match.
To the men in the experiment, and to the women who were already in relationships, it didn’t make a significant difference whether their match was single or attached. But single women showed a distinct preference for mate poaching. When the man was described as unattached, 59 percent of the single women were interested in pursuing him. When that same man was described as being in a committed relationship, 90 percent were interested.

My Latest Piece: This Week's Fiction Cover Story at CleanSheets.com

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Eight Words and Phrases to Avoid in LGBT Communications

Check out this post to the “Out Front Blog,” a blog dedicated to stimulating discussion on gay and lesbian communication issues. Bryan Blaise suggests eight words and phrases that marketers and communicators should avoid using and why.

Read the whole post

• Lifestyle or “the gay lifestyle”
• Sexual preference or preference
• Choice, choose or “choose to be gay”
• Homosexual
• Alternative
• Tolerance
• Special rights
• Friend

Who is to lead sex talk now that Sue Johanson and Dr. Ruth have quieted?

In the 80’s, men and women seeking answers to common and outrageously personal sex questions knew to turn to the famed Dr. Ruth Westheimer, a “psychosexual therapist who helped to pioneer the field of media psychology with her radio program, Sexually Speaking, which began in September of 1980. Her popularity inspired parodies mocking her signature German accent, but her advice was yet valued and undeniable.

Dr. Ruth’s media monopoly faded away by the turn of the century and from 2002 to 2008, American viewers turned to the straight-talking, Canadian grandmother, Sue Johanson and her live phone-in show Talk Sex with Sue Johanson.

With both of these elderly educators shying away from their television, radio and web presences, where are we to turn?

A friend of mine suggested Dr. Drew Pinsky, longtime host of the radio call-in show “Love Line,” but Dr. Drew’s intended audience is much younger. According to the shows web site, it has the primary goal of “helping youth and young adults with relationship, sexuality and drug addiction problems.” Not to say that it isn’t important for adolescents to discuss the embarrassment of being caught having sex at school, but what about more “adult” questions.

To whom are we to turn to for sexual guidance? Who is our new fornication figurehead?

Here are some Sue and Dr. Ruth clips to remind us of times when sex educators were front and center.

This “buzzworthy” toy has gone mainstream and is sold at Wal-Mart?

A recent New York Times article revealed two “shocking truths” about vibrators.

One: that more than ever, men and women of the “mainstream” consider this “hummmdinger” of a sex toy to be part of a healthy sex life.

And two: that vibrators are sold at Wal-Mart!

First, to the less shocking point, number one: The article cites findings from an Indiana University study published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine finding that fifty-three percent of women and nearly half of all men reporting used a vibrator. Eighty-one percent of women and 91 percent of men who’ve used one report having done so with a partner.

The Times writer then points out that in a 1974 edition of The Journal of Popular Culture, the vibrator was dismissed as a “masturbatory machine” for “sexually dysfunctional females.”

Now on to the more shocking revelation: The article also notes that “vibrators are now sold at Wal-Mart, 7-Eleven and CVS.”

Really?! Indeed, search for the term “vibrator” on Walmart.com and you’ll get Durex’s “Play” Waterproof vibrator. And yes, my friends, shoppers provided a 5-star rating and personal testimonies.

I find it interesting that this mega chain won’t sell music that contains profanity, but will sell a sex toy.

I think I’ve just found a reason to shop at Wal-Mart.

Sharing is Sexy; Inspiration from "From Porn to Poetry 2"

Just days ago I received in the mail a copy of From Porn to Poetry 2, Clean Sheets second collection of their favorite fiction, essays and poetry. Of course, it’s filled with imaginative, super sexy stories (after all, Clean Sheets is the “standard for online erotica”), but I’m actually more attracted to the essays, which often provide thought provoking perspectives on many things erotic. This time around, for example, one man’s calm explanation of why he finds tennis to be sexy and another’s list of 25 Things to Do to a Tied-Down Lover.

However, the loveliest piece so far, I read tonight. In Brian Peters’ Fires at Midnight, he muses on the power of relationship sex, saying “Nearly all sex is relationship sex, because nearly all sex, and nearly all fantasies about sex are social constructs.” He then continues by analyzing four elements that keep the fire in a relationship: Listening, Learning, Lusting and Sharing.

This passage about Sharing I find particularly powerful and consider it worth sharing with you tonight:

We forget that the little stuff matters. Life is made of moments, the present one being all we have for sure, and sharing them is a pure joy. Sex is made from so many obvious sharings – sharing a hug, sharing a kiss, sharing a bed, sharing our bodies. But there are uncounted other things to share – sharing a sunset, sharing a walk in the rain, sharing an ice-cream cone, sharing a laugh, sharing a tear, sharing our joy, sharing I want you. Sharings are additive, somehow. Sharing a sunset brings added meaning to sharing a walk in the rain, and sharing moments of sadness brings an added dimension to sharing moments of joy. And if you wonder about the knowing smile the been-together-for-years couple seems to share, it’s just that they know sharing so many moments makes sharing their bodies electric.

If you want some more titillating reading, you can get copies of this and the first edition of From Porn to Poetry on Amazon.

Creative Condom Ads

Sex sells, but how do you sell safe sex? The use of condoms can be traced back several thousand years. Around 1000 BC the ancient Egyptians used a linen sheath for protection against disease. Even the famous lover Casanova wrapped his wares.

So, after centuries, how do you promote condom use? How do you distinguish yourself from the competitors, talk about an old idea like it’s new and promote a “crotch cover” without being obscene?

Wallpaper.com created a list of the 31 most creative condom ads. I’m including some of my favorite here. Check out the full list from Wallpaper.

Most Creative (in my opinion)

Scariest (most likely to make me never want to have sex again)

Hooray! New Piece Coming Soon: Chemistry

I'm excited!! Just learned that CleanSheets.com wants to publish my piece "Chemistry" in one of its August issues. Awesome! Clean Sheets is read by over 3000 people each day.

I'll definately provide you the link when it's live next month. Here's a line to get you salivating in the mean time:

...I understood this the first time I shook his hand and caught the scent of chemicals trapped in his clothes and seared into his skin, a smell faint and tangy and far too interesting to be cologne. Like the smell of your body after a lengthy swim in a freshly chlorinated pool. I imagined that if I should run my tongue along his perky nipples, my tongue would sizzle as though touched to the tip of a battery.

Bummed. No "Best Women's Erotica" for me this year

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Metrosexuals Make Bad Fathers?

Gotta love that man leaning against the bar wearing stylish clothes, with a ripped body, perfectly groomed face and hair you’re just dying to run your fingers through…Go ahead girl; take him home with you, but don’t expect him to take care of yo’ kids.

According to new research from Yale, males who put a lot of energy and effort into making themselves appear attractive to females may not be the best suited for fatherhood.

“The peacock's ornate fanned tail — or the primping and posturing of a guy in a bar — are ‘advertisements’ or mating displays that take substantial energy to maintain. When a male's energy is heavily focused on keeping up his appearance, he may have little energy to devote to caring for offspring. But that may be okay, say the researchers — in species where he does not really need to tend to the kids.”

So I guess the question is whether or not human males have to provide parental care. (Species like stickleback fish are forced into fatherhood since females cannot pick up the slack and males who do not provide care risk the survival of their offspring.) I’m guessing evolution would say human males have to care for their kids, while our society might suggest otherwise.

Everything I Know About Good Sex Writing I Learned from Sesame Street

Sesame Street taught me a lot of things, from how to count to 10 in Spanish to how to cope with death (remember with Mr. Hooper died?!) I watched Sesame Street every day as a child and it’s hard to say just how much those urban, carefree monsters had on my life. Most of their lessons were simple: counting, sharing, understanding the importance of friendship, but just because their lessons were simple, doesn’t mean we always remember them. Granted, I could now continue onto self-righteous spiel of the importance of humanity and honoring your fellow man, but this is an erotica blog! So let’s talk about sex, shall we?

In an effort to indulge my nostalgia and at the same time impart some writing wisdom, I offer you:

5 Tips for Better Sex Writing, Inspired by Sesame Street

Give it a Grouch: I haven’t done much research on Jim Henson and his inspiration for Sesame Street and its characters, but I’d venture a guess to say that somewhere in his life, he had a neighbor (or family member or friend) who did nothing but complain. A model for Oscar the Grouch had to come from somewhere! Therein we find lesson number 1: When writing erotica, pull inspiration from real life. Surely, an entire character can be inspired by someone you’ve met along the way, but don’t forget to let real life inspire your scenery or your dialogue. I once wrote a story and coffee while sitting in a coffee shop and set the sex scene on a hefty, wooden table inspired by a friend’s house I had stayed at weeks prior.

Diversify: Sesame Street was revolutionary in its use of diverse characters and its promotion of racial and socioeconomic acceptance. I do believe that Luis and Maria were two of the first Hispanic actors to appear regularly on mainstream, American television without serving only to fill a stereotypical role. When considering “casting” in your erotica, remember to diversify. In one story, write about a sex encounter between a married woman and a married man, or a total stranger. Next time, cast a dominatrix in the starring role. If you’re a man, write from a woman’s perspective and vice versa. Not only will it challenge your skills, but it will keep your readers “coming” back for more.

Indulge your imagination: Big Bird knows best; let your imagination be your guide. Remember that Snuffy, Big Bird’s fuzzy, elephant-like best friend, didn’t exist at all but in Big Bird’s imagination. (Odd choice for an imaginary friend, but then again we’re talking about a giant bird with the intellect of a 5 year old). Despite no one else believing in Snuffy’s existence, Big Bird continued to dream. When writing, don’t forget to indulge your imagination. Write about fantastic seductions that would most likelyfizzle in the real world. Get descriptive with body parts, sounds, movements, locations. Remember that erotica should be creative and unexpected. If we didn’t want creativity, we’d simply watch porn.

Find a theme to carry you through: On Sesame Street, Big Bird was the poster child for silly questions. He always asked “why” and the entire episode would be dedicated to providing him an answer. Granted, they would cut in and out of other clips (a song about the letter “S,” a counting fest with The Count, or what have you), but by the end, Big Bird’s problem would always be solved. When writing about sex, find a theme to carry you through. “Spike” by Rachel Kramer Bussel, which appears in the 2006 edition of Best Women’s Erotica is all about the use of spiked heels in domination. Plan to pepper in some new characters and plot twists, but don’t forget to find a point and get to it by the end. Don’t expect to just sling together random sex scenes and be taken seriously as a writer.

Channel Your Inner Monster: “C is for…” Well, in the world of erotic fiction, “C” could be for a lot of things. But for Cookie Monster, “C is for cookie.” The best thing about this lovable blue muppet is that he knew what he loved and indulged as often as possible. Whenever you can, insert a little bit of your passion into your writing. Does the idea of being tied up secretly get you going? Role playing? Sex in public? Chances are if you write about something that really turns you on, you’re going to have readers who feel the same way. All it takes is one good line or image to get the motor running and like our good friend Cookie “That’s good enough for me.”